The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
