i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
