sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
