What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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