He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
