I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
