I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
