when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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