Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
