Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize