She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
