idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
