I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
