So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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