That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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