I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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