I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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