You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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