there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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