you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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