Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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