So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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