Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
