ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it hurts more in the daytime
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
