I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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