She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
