Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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