Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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