I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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