her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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