I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
