Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
