how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize