my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
