Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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