apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
