Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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