First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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