I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
