I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
