I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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