I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We need to get me chipped asap
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize