Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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