i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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