dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
