The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
