I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
