Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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