you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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