I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
