Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
