then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
