You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
