yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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