I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
