so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
