Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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