this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm like, not good at living.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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