YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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