I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
