So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
