my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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