i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
