Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
