I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
