I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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