I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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