I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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