and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
