once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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