Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
